When things don’t go smoothly.
When we bought the house, we knew that the roof of the outbuilding needed to be renovated. We had asked for advice and he said that it would be sufficient to replace the roof tiles and a few rafters. A considerable expense, but there was no way around it. And yes, it was urgent, because a good roof is the starting point for building our guest house. Still, it took two more months before someone visited us and made a quote. Panic! The roof is about to collapse! What?? The man offered to shore up the roof immediately. The quote arrived two days later. WOW! A 60% increase of the investment in six months, not because the materials were more expensive, but because it turned out that the entire roof had to be replaced. Well, and then, you know how it is: that feeling of having your back against the wall.
Long story short: in the rush, we decided to grant the roofing work to this man and his team. Besides, this man was recommended for a reason. Right? They could also start within a week and the roof would be finalized within 3 weeks, except in very bad weather. So what more could you want? Actually, too good to be true.
And so it was.
The work started after 4 weeks and eventually lasted 6 months. We went through all sorts of issues that we as customers were very dissatisfied with. Not only from a construction point of view but also the planning, expertise and reliability of the contractors played a role. It also suddenly appeared that no gutters would be installed, in addition to the fact that the delivery did not go beyond the roof, all cracks and openings remained untouched. Afterwards, the roof looked beautiful from above, but it was up to us to finish all the loose ends. Meanwhile, in fact, our relationship with the “roofers” had deteriorated to the point that we denied them access, because we didn’t want the negative energy in our neighborhood anymore. Fortunately, Rob has two right hands.
Homesick
All in all, this chapter of our lives is categorized as traumatic experience. The tensions surrounding the work not only remained with the external contractors, but also broke into our personal relationship. Rob and I were not on the same page, we were not “together one”. For the life project we embarked on, partnership that no one can put a pin in is of prime importance. In April, we had been married for 26 years, yet we still didn’t seem to know each other. And to what extent do I know myself? And what did we really want? Homesickness for the Netherlands, for the past, for untroubled life. Totally uprooted by emigration, I had lost my anchor and was unbalanced. I was living through deep emotions that reminded me of past traumas. But we were both convinced of one thing: “We are here, in this place, relying on each other now. In our unconscious, we have chosen this place to bring out the most beautiful thing in ourselves: The most beautiful thing that is also deepest in us and demands profound processes from us now. And what happened here with the roof was wonderful training material.”
On the knees
The emotions we felt through also manifested physically. For instance, one day Rob fell very hard on his knees while walking outside to the letterbox. At the time, roof tiles were being laid and a plastic band that goes around the tiles laid on the ground. Rob’s foot got stuck in it: Rob was kneeling in front of the roof!
And just like that, I (Anita) lost my voice overnight, for no reason. For three weeks I could not speak: I have never experienced anything like that before. The symbolic meaning of this: ‘I have no voice in the decisions being made.’ And also:’ I am upset about the situation.” For those with knowledge of Germanic medicine, no further explanation is needed. I therefore knew that my voice would come back naturally, now that I became aware of my psyche.
How could it get to this point?
Over time, as we came into our gentleness and had the courage to engage in self-reflection again, an open dialogue could take place between us again. We both admitted that we had not listened to our first feeling, our inner compass. Under the time pressure we imposed on ourselves, we ignored our doubts regarding the roofer and listened more to an outsider than to ourselves. And yes, then we got angry at the other person, but actually at ourselves.
And so we end up coming back to ourselves as the creator of our lives. The other mirrors us live, what we cannot see in the bathroom mirror. And yes, again-mirroring, because it is not the first time, … nor will it be the last.
Like our relationship, the roof now stands strong again. And we move on to the next project!